How many times did the Mother in me, reject being a Mother?

How many times did she abandon herself, her projects, her dreams?

How many times did she run away from herself?

How many times did she give and give her time and energy to others, asking for nothing in return?

How many times did she dismiss her own needs and put the needs of others first?

How many times did she seethe, quietly within, in resentment, bitterness, jealousy and anger for not having her love and her own needs reciprocated?

How many times did she unleash her unconscious and suppressed anger and rage, only to regret it dearly afterwards?

How many times did she find herself cut off, alone, estranged from herself, from her intimate other, from her family?

How many times did she cut herself off from pleasure, from her own innate desire?

How many times did she give herself as was her ‘duty’? How many times did she long to be young again, to dance in the dark, and dream once again of her wild self?

How many times did she look with envy upon those who were married or were not, had children or didn’t, those who had the home, the family, the career and those who did not?

How many times did she wish she had lived her life differently, made different choices, took a different path?

How many times did she regret the life she had chosen?

How many times did she wake up frustrated and go to sleep sad and spent? How many times?

How many times?

With love,

Nicola x