How many times did the Maiden in me give herself away freely, only to feel dirty and ashamed afterwards?

How many times did she pull a tantrum when she didn’t get her own way?

How many times did she rebel against the constraint of her parents, her guardians, her protectors?

How many times did she say ‘fuck that shit’ when society asked her to conform?

How many times did she feel the shame and the guilt of the ‘curse’ of her blood?

How many times did she feed her ego with the fashions forced upon her by the mass media – the diets, the clothes, the forever unobtainable ‘perfect look’?

How many times did she come home crying, feeling alone, used, abandoned and rejected?

How many times did she give her body, her love, her friendship to others in the hope of completion, love, adoration, or simply just to be noticed, accepted and seen?

How many times did she do things and regretted them straight after?

How many times did she envy those who had more – more boyfriends, more fashionable clothes, more drink, and drug-fueled parties, more friends, more social life, more, more, more?

How many times did she crave attention and let herself down?

How many times did she abuse her boundaries, letting everyone, or no-one in?

How many times did she disrespect herself?

How many times did she use her voice in reaction to destroy, breakdown, conquer, or to have power over, to gain some control?

How many times did she not use her voice, to say ‘no’, to stand up for herself, to act, to serve and protect?

How many times?

With Love,

Nicola x